The six worst things about being male

Guys, you'll never have to sit next to noisy kids on flights any more. A policy sweeping through the airlines means all men seated next to children are moved before take-off.

Not everyone is happy. In Australia and the UK, men have complained about the implication that they are latent child molesters when their only crimes are to have been born male. In the UK case, the courts agreed and made British Airways pay compensation to a guy who was moved.

I understand how he feels, but I have to ask: Hey, fella, whose side are you on? If the airline wants to move us away from annoying kids, let them. Attendants, why not upgrade us to that nice little child-free cabin at the front? We don't mind.

There is one exception, and I foresee the following conversation taking place regularly as this policy spreads through domestic Asian airlines. MALE PASSENGER: "Attendant! I am seated between two repulsive wailing infants and should be moved up the plane." FLIGHT ATTENDANT: "Nice try, Mister, but they're your own kids so shut the @#$% up and sit down."

But I definitely agree with the notion that being born male is a crime in itself and compensation should be involved. Being a guy stinks. Consider. 1) If you walk into the wrong toilet, it's two years in jail. 2) In emergencies, it's always "women and children first". 3) You have to wear dark clothes or everyone thinks you're gay. 4) In a shocking example of poor design, the most sensitive parts of the male anatomy are external, thus prone to painful accidents. 5) When watching sad movies, you have to flick the tears away from your eyes or people think you're gay. 6) If you express a desire not to mislabeled gay, you're homophobic.